花開花落花滿天

女生不能考駕照

我補習班老師說女生最好在18歲畢業就去考駕照，因為女生對路況比較不熟悉。他後來又補了一句：在高速公路上遇到女生開車比遇到砂石車還可怕。之後，好像班上有些女生就瞪他。於是我們老師就說了他在報紙上看到的一則新聞。

有一個女生在馬路上開車，道路上有東西，她為了閃那個東西，快撞上安全島上的樹，一般人，如果是你會怎麼處理？

要嘛就踩煞車，要嘛就嚇的不知如何是好，

要嘛有的人會踩錯踩成油門，但是那個女的都不是

結果她居然...            對那些樹按喇叭。

自抬身價

拍賣會場上, 正在拍賣一隻非常漂亮的九官鳥.
會場上一年輕人非常地喜愛.
他看到沒人競價, 就出了個很低廉的價格:
"三百塊"
"四百" 一個聲音很快地叫了出來.
"四百五" 年輕人聽到有人出價, 連忙提高了價錢.
"五百" 又是那個討厭的傢伙?!
"五百五 (我就不信併不過你) "
"六百......"
......
雙方出價速度愈來愈快, 彼此不服輸地提高價錢.
終於, 年輕人以九千五百元成交, 上台去拿他的九官鳥.
"沒想到一隻鳥要花我九千多塊錢......
對了, 能不能問你一下, 這隻九官鳥會不會說話?"
"這點保證沒問題, 不然你以為剛剛是誰在和你喊價?"

神仙眷侶

小賀好不容易送走鬧洞房的一堆朋友，帶著幾分醉意，望向他夢寐以求的佳人──小鈴。 想到今晚終於可以享受古人所謂「春宵一刻值千金」的美妙，不禁要感激小鈴在婚前絕不許他越雷池一步的堅持。

於是，興致勃勃地跳上床去，盡他做丈夫的義務。 對於小鈴的生澀，小賀帶著一絲得意，但是，就覺得小鈴太「安靜」了點，最後，小賀忍不住教她："小鈴，可不可以開開口，叫一下春。
"當然可以，那還不簡單，"然後，小鈴像小學生般叫著，"春、春、春......"

Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives:

1.  The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.

2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.

3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.

4. A dog's parents never visit.

5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.

7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.

8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.

9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"

10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.

11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.

12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.

13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.

And last, but not least:

14. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.